To Dave, at his bachelor party, one week before his wedding

You know your days are drawing short
Don’t put it off – don’t try to
But as you know there are some things
You’ll have to say goodbye to

Your young man days are over soon
Your dad years just ahead
You’ll have to be responsible
And always use your head

Those little self-indulgences
That brought a moment’s smile
Will be replaced with grownup goals
Of paycheck, home, and child

And lost forever in your brain
Will be some things you can’t explain
The interest you could not contain
Although you knew you should
One day you may look back on this
And say ‘that moment, it was bliss’
When you had not so much to risk
For being bad or good

It’s time for bidding farewell to
All of the things that young boys do
‘Though parents never want them to
And point a scoffing finger
Although you know that they are right
Things seem so different late at night
When all alone and out of sight
There are some thoughts that linger

And you will know deep in your heart
That even though it wasn’t smart
It was something you’re drawn toward
(you’ll think ‘was I out of my gourd?’)
And you’ll remember, secretly
How pleasant silly thrills can be

But, serious, you’ll take a stand
Show what it means to be man
And never show that you were once
A stupid, young, and happy dunce

A week is all that you have to
Do all the things that young men do
Don’t squander it or you’ll regret
The things that you had not done yet
And when you’ve married and moved on
Your chances are forever gone

This gift, I hope, will help you find
The young man deep inside your mind
And in your last week ‘fore it’s done
I hope you have some boyish fun.


(accompanying a Mad magazine)